I have been anticipating this day for months. No-not childbirth. I did that already. For my baby to say her first word? Eat her first solid food? Sit up, crawl, or walk in her own? No, no, NO!!!! Today was the day my baby (Elle) actually pooped in the tub. We've had some accidents-but never a full blown "mom don't touch me I'm trying to crap" poop in the tub.
For months I've been wondering what would I do? How will I react? Do you pick-up pre-poop and try to make it to a diaper? Would I opt to let her sit there in her crap? She's already in the tub-so I just wash her off after? What if the tub fills up with runny poop? Then the water would be dirty. Literally every night I bathe her these thoughts cross my mind. She's 15 months old and this poop in the tub thing is always lingering in my head at bath time.
So the story goes I had just drained all of the water out of the tub. Elle wanted to sit in the bubbles-which is not typical behavior. So she sits there and kicks around. We laugh-cut up if you will. Then I notice she's hanging on tight to the sides of the tub and her face is turning red. I think "no-this can't be it. This seems so deliberate. A poop in the tub is supposed to be an accident." I ask Elle if she wants to get out of the tub. She can't even look at me. Crap, literally.. Should I pick her up? What if she craps all over me in her nakedness? And I track it all over the house?
So I get eye level and say in a really sweet way "girl, you gotta poop?" Her eyes are so watery and her face is still red with strain when I hear about 10 farts back to back. There are bubbles everywhere. I can't see back there-I don't know what's going on. I pick her up-wrong. She's not going for it. I set her down and on the way 3 little poop pellets fall into the tub.
For the first time Elle is interested in her poop at that very moment. She's reaching for the pebble-like terds and I divert. "No......." She grabbed it. I was moments away with toilet paper-but not fast enough. She was so embarrassed. I told her it was ok. People poop. It's natural. I would say this poop went over pretty smooth. It could have been a lot worse.
I'm a single mom. I'm 36 years old and never imagined I'd ever put some much thought into another person's bowl movement. More importantly I never thought I would be doing this on my own. But you know it's funny. It's all funny. So what? So what that Elle crapped in the tub? And on the freshly cleaned carpets a couple of weeks ago, my wallet, my bed....big deal. It is funny, and gross, and anticipated, and the protocol is -well there is no protocol. You clean it up and move on. But it's a memory that I share with you because there's no one else to tell. It's motherhood-and that's beautiful. It's spontaneous and scary. It's constantly wondering if you're doing the right thing and there's no reinforcement. There's no back up on the day to day activity. Sure I can talk to my friends, family, sometimes Elle's Dad but it's not the same. Elle and I go to bed tonight-every night-and it's just the 2 of us.
I've been afraid to use the term single mom freely. I didn't want to hurt Elle's dad by saying that on a public forum. But it's a fact. It's not how I imagined things-but I didn't imagine myself being as I tune to my baby as I ended up being.
So-I'm going to blog about the poop and everything that comes with it! I won't always talk about poop-but it was today's funny. Funny because I've been anticipating this shit for months. And today-it became a reality.
